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July 27, 2010

Thoughts...for girls (1)

Many people like to complain about their mom-in-law and how incompatible they are with their mom-in-law. Same to the mom-in-laws, always complain that their daughter-in-laws do not know how to behave like one. Women's talk. So never-ending...

I personally hate all these claims, because it will be a never-ending circle that haunts every family. Be it a truth or a norm, let it go. Why do women have to put their husbands in a dilemma? Stucked between two women they love, do you think it's funny to take it as a joke of the day? One time, might be okay; twice, still okay; if every once in a few weeks you're being put in a dilemma, I bet I myself will also feel like running away.

I learn to put myself in others' shoes, observing things as an outsider always give clearer picture of the whole situation. A lot of my guy friends agreed that most of affairs happen when you're not happy with your home. Women should learn to look a little wider at times, take time to talk intimately with your other half, NOT YELLING. Sometimes I really wonder why women chose to yell instead of talk nicely... is that genetically inherited? You're pushing away your own man to another woman out there.

You don't have to envy other girls, why their men are willing to die for them. It's very simple, correct way of communication. Speak only when it's the right time to speak, shut up when necessary, you don't have to debate with each other, what can you gain after an argument? Just to prove that you're right? Nah.. there are so many ways of telling people they are wrong, the gentle way. Everybody wants face even when at home. Always remember this.

I've been thinking a lot these years, someday I will be going through days as a mom too. I always think that it's not a good thing if you tell your kids the bad stuffs about the grandparents, because kids' attitude is very much influenced by the conversations at home. Jeez... things will bounce back as from my observation, when you hate that people, you will end up becoming like that people one day. People don't realized that themselves, maybe you should start thinking back if you're also becoming one of them.

Just some personal thoughts. But I can tell you, you'll be loved more by everyone else if you know how to speak. 以柔制刚,四两拨千斤!You'll be surprised by the effect, the 90/10 rule from Stephen Covey.

Discover the 90/10 Principle: It will change your life. The 90/10 principle is incredible! Very few know and apply this principle. The Result? Millions of people are suffering undeserved stress, trials, problems, and heartache. They never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. Theirs is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time, anger ruins friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life!

What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%! How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool you; You can control how you react!

Let’s use an example. You’re eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed zone.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 (traffic fine) away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the Policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “It’s OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time.” Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good of a day you are having. Notice the difference. Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you Reacted. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off!) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? Who Cares if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive. Remember the 90-10 principle, and do not worry about it!

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep or get irritated? It will work out. Use your “worrying” time and energy into finding another job.

The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger, etc. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.

Same to the guys! Learn to understand why women start yelling at one thing. There must be something gone wrong or have accumulated in between situations that causes the explosion.

Listen. Talk. Forgive. Forget.

You don't have to be pretty. Pretty comes from inside out, a pretty heart that controls your behavior. Guys will still die for you.

2 comments:

Nice friend..visit mine if u free ekh ;D

Well said..... my gf should check out your blog...haha

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